I HATE my job!

Currently, I am employed at a recycling company, and my lone job is crushing cans. The work is very tedious and repetitive; crush cans, put them in a bucket, crush cans, put them in a bucket. The hours are long and the pay is very little. I think it is very safe to say that i completely and utterly hate my job. When I was younger, I remember my mother ordering me to go in the garage and crush cans for hours. I always avoided the chore so when I did finally get around to it, the cans would be stacked miles high. The job seemed to go on forever; I never, in a million years, pictured myself as a can crusher when I got older.
I've been crushing cans now for going on 50 years and everyday gets worse. Everyday i wake up and tell myself, "today's the day I quit and find a new job." Well, this morning I said that and after a long days work, I am still employed at Jim's Recycling. I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self to stay in high school for those last 3 months and graduate instead of dropping out to chase some pretty skirt!

Beloved Toy

The choice of my favorite toy from childhood is a very simple one; Beanie Babies. Beanie Babies were my everything; I played with them, my mom bribed me to mow the lawn to earn more of them, and i even tried to eat one of them. My favorite way to play with them was a game that i creatively dubbed "Beanie Baby Football." 3 beanies would line up opposite each other and hit the gridiron of my living room floor. The best player was Jumper, the frog beanie baby. He was the Jerry Rice of Beanie Baby Football. Those Beanies were very important to me when i was little. If i lost one of the starting 6, i would cry and cry until my mom eventually yelled at me. Now that I'm older, those Beanies don't mean much to me. The box they occupy in my closet has rarely ever been moved since approximately my 8th birthday. Maybe Ebay might change that though.

Dear Future Child

Hey Steve, or Stevette. You're mother wanted to name you Julius, so you're welcome. This is your introduction to the world of today. My biggest piece of advice is, go back now, dive back into the womb, it's your only hope! Nah, I'm just fooling around with you Steve, the world's actually pretty cool. We play a game called baseball out here, you will come to love it just as i do. Actually, you better love it because i'm banking on you making me a lot of money playing baseball professionally. And if you get cut from the team, don't bother coming home. Don't cry Steve, that's just another joke. Actually thats like half a joke, you better be good at baseball. You're mother is yelling at me to clean the gutters; that brings me to the next life lesson you need to know. Don't marry young, have fun while it lasts. Unless you want to get married young, thats ok i guess, just don't say i didn't tell you. Well Steve, thats all for now. Hopefully you grow up to be a good guy and we'll share a few good memories at my 80th birthday party, which better be held at your mansion you earned from playing baseball professionally.

I'd never have wakened

The one dream that i can remember where i did not want to wake up was about me being a professional baseball player. The dream itself was really not about playing baseball, it was about the amount of money baseball players get paid and all the crazy things i could do with it. I was in a mansion swimming in my gigantic pool with lovely ladies everywhere. I slid down into the pool on a 100 foot water slide, custom made, and landed with a joyous splash. When i left the pool, i went into my garage to find my brand new Impala SS. I jumped in and was gearing up to go somewhere but then woke up. It was the worst feeling in the world; i had missed my chance to see what exciting adventure i was about to go on, and i had to go to school that morning.
I'm sure if i would have had a chance to finish this dream, i would have been going to a crazy drag race or something. I've always wanted to be cool enough to be an awesome street racer or something daringly crazy like that. I probably would have won a lot of money and/or women too.